BLAFROKAN - Many Tribes, One Blood

Sexual Intimacy and Pleasure. What Women Want Men to Know.

This is a very sensitive topic and I’m sharing it in hopes that the sexual conversations will become easier for us as a Black Collective without shame nor guilt. These are things that women want men to know but often times are embarrassed, shy or too demure to say. I hope that this helps anyone reading today. The goal is to have strong healthy nurturing sexual relationships.

Communicate. Discuss beforehand your expectations and what you both desire before being intimate. Make sure that your woman feels safe and comfortable. I can’t stress this enough. Ask her if she is ever been the victim of sexual abuse or violence. Often times women that have been sexually abused have a difficult time connecting to their bodies and to their sexuality. Ask her what makes her feel good don’t be afraid to ask in-depth questions.

Make love to her before you enter the bedroom. Be gentle, be thoughtful. Send sexy text messages or even slow dance with her before intimacy.

Foreplay is very key. Make sure you spend time touching and exploring her body. Listen to her body’s cues, she will let you know if she needs you to stay or move to a different position or touch her in a different place.

During intimacy if she seems uncomfortable or unresponsive stop. Ask her what can you do to make the experience more pleasurable for her.

After sexual intimacy incorporate aftercare. Make sure that you wash or shower together. Clean bed linen and also cuddle and hold one another.

Be willing to provide sexual gratification for her without you possibly having any penetration. This would require for you to touch her genitals or give her a massage in the focus of bringing her to orgasm.

If she brings up her displeasure with something that you’ve done listen and listen with an open heart. She’s sharing with you what makes her feel great or maybe uncomfortable in the hopes that your sexual Union will be more satisfying the next time you are intimate.

Create an environment of healthy sexual intimacy so that your marriage can grow and be the foundation for the love that you all both deserve.


Here are things that a husband or a man in a committed relationship can do to maximize ultimate pleasure for his wife or significant partner: 

  • Please take your time and be gentle don’t rush the process.
  • Make sure that you are willing to practice proper hygiene. Clean your hands. Please keep your nails trimmed and short.
  • Be willing to practice safe sex. Using condoms is necessary especially if children have not been planned for properly. 
  • Please don’t make women feel guilty for asking you to use proper sexual protection.
  • It is difficult for women to truly enjoy sex if her emotional and spiritual needs are not met prior to intimacy. 
  • There are more erogenous zones other the breasts and genitalia.
  • Women do enjoy sex and it’s about pleasure for them.
  • A woman wants to be able to tell you what pleases her sexually without a man becoming defensive, angry or feeling as if he’s not capable of learning.
  • Foreplay for women is as important as penetration is for men. 
  • Be creative and spontaneous.
  • Please take the time to create and set a mood. For example, light candles prepare a warm bath or massage.
  • Eye contact during sexual intimacy is so powerful and so necessary.
  • We love to know that we are pleasing our husbands or the man that we are in an intimate monogamous relationship. For example we want to hear you moan. We want to know what pleases you sexually.
  • We want to feel safe, loved and nourished in our sexual relationships with our husbands and with men. 
  • Size does not always matter rather it is the technique that enables a man to properly please his woman.
Kyra Barr

Kyra Barr

Mother. Writer. Holistic Consultant for Natural Healing and Health.

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